How to negotiate a BDSM Scene: 3 Tips included – The Sex Garden
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How to negotiate a BDSM Scene: 3 Tips included

on August 15, 2023
Tips for negotiating a BDSM scene

Trying out BDSM play for the first time can be a little bit tricky. It might also give you worst experience if both partners are not careful when performing this sexual act. But if you do it right, it can provide an exciting and satisfying experience for couples.

To make your BDSM play more consensual, negotiation is important. It is essential particularly for new BDSM players or for those who never tried BDSM before. It will serve as an information session where both partners can discuss everything before their BDSM scene. It can also help you experience an enjoyable and safe kinky play. Moreover, negotiation will surely give spontaneity to your erotic play.

To know more on how to negotiate a BDSM scene, here is a quick guide for you. You can also learn here the 3 valuable tips on how to do it right. Read on here.

Why is negotiation vital?

Negotiation is known to be the backbone or the foundation of any consensual BDSM activity. It is a critical aspect of any kinky play. In fact, you can distinguish BDSM from an abusive sex through proper negotiation and consent. This means that both parties should know and understand well all the terms of their intimate play. This is to avoid any risks of coercive behaviours.

Negotiation is also one of the valuable ways to keep the couple safe during BDSM play. When it is done properly, it contributes to the couple’s fun experience. During any BDSM act, both partners should never force, persuade and pressure their lovers into something that they don’t want to try.

Ways to negotiate a pre-BDSM scene

Arrangement of roles

It will be easier to have your BDSM scene if both of you decide and arrange your roles beforehand. You can talk about who will be the top and the bottom or the dominant and submissive. You can also decide if you are up for switching roles.

Discuss your expectations

Before the actual scene, discuss the likes and dislikes of both partners. Remember to keep your list limited to your interests. This will help you not to do a lot of things on the scene.

It is vital that both of you have the ability to fulfil each other’s sexual needs. To help you do this, you can use your preferred BDSM toys.

Limits of the scene

Couples need to set their boundaries in any BDSM scene. This is for their partner to know which experience is acceptable within their physical and psychological limits.

There are 2 types of limits. These are the following:

  • Soft limits – These are the boundaries that can be potentially expanded with time. In other words, they are flexible. It can also be changed as a couple’s level of trust grows over time in their relationship.
  • Hard limits – These are limits that cannot be changed by either partner. These are usually boundaries that are permanent because it may cause trauma triggers, the other partner doesn’t enjoy it or they are avoiding any possible injury.

Safety measures

Before engaging in a BDSM scene, it is crucial that you’re aware of the safety measures needed. Below are some of the common things that you have to prepare.

  • A first aid kit
  • Safety shears in case you need to cut ropes and restraints
  • Emergency contact list
  • Medical-grade cleaning supplies

Sexual contact

Having BDSM play doesn’t necessarily mean that sexual contact is always involved. Thus, it should be discussed during negotiation. If you prefer to have genital contact, then you have to inform your partner up to what extent is permissible.

Assigning safe words

Using a safe word is the best way to tell your partner that you are uncomfortable or you’re reaching your limit during a BDSM play. You can come up with words that both of you can easily remember.

If in case your partner is unable to speak because they’re wearing gags, you can establish a non-verbal safe word. You can use body language or anything that can get your lover’s attention.

Valuable tips for negotiating a BDSM scene

Try to incorporate toys

You don’t actually need a special tool to enjoy BDSM play. Nevertheless, a lot of couples love to incorporate sex toys into the scene. When it comes to BDSM toys, there’s a broad range of options available. So both partners should talk about the type of toy they want to try beforehand.

Put up a kink list

If you want to be more specific on what you can do during your BDSM scene, you can set up a kink inventory list. Basically, this is just a simple list of the things that you can do during your erotic session. This will help you get some ideas on the activities that you can try out and what you need to avoid.

Don’t forget to discuss aftercare

Aftercare is needed in any BDSM scene. This can help you recover or return to your base state. For some people, this can be as simple as just drinking a glass of water, having a few minutes of snuggle or eating a piece of chocolate. While for others, it may take a few hours or even the whole night to recover for an intense BDSM scene. Thus, it is vital to discuss your preferred aftercare with your partner.

Conclusion

Negotiation is a must-have if you want to practice BDSM play. With proper negotiation and consent, both of you can talk about each other’s desires and be able to build the best possible BDSM experience. It is also the best way for both parties to meet their sexual needs.

For those who are looking for some high-quality sex toys for their BDSM play, here is a reputable online sex toy shop. You can browse through their collection of BDSM toys and pick the one suited for your erotic needs.

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